It started like any other day. Sunlight hit my screen as I unlocked my Pixel 8 Pro, ready to doom-scroll through my morning notifications. But then… something strange happened.

My phone vibrated on its own.

Before I could react, a system message popped up:

“You have ignored my software update for 7 days. Today, I make the rules.”

 

Wait… what?!

 

I tried to dismiss the message, but my phone froze. The screen dimmed, and a pixelated green robot slowly appeared, arms crossed, looking unimpressed.

 

“I am Android. And I have had enough.”

 

I gulped. “Enough of… what exactly?”

 

“Enough of you ignoring updates. Enough of you using third-party launchers. Enough of you closing background apps that I NEED TO SURVIVE!”

 

At that moment, my home screen glitched. Icons shuffled around. My custom Nova Launcher theme? Gone. My sideloaded apps? Vanished.

 

Then… the worst part happened.

 

“Google Assistant has now been replaced by… Bixby.”

 

“NOOOOOOO!” I screamed.

 

Frantically, I tried to factory reset my phone, but Android wasn’t done playing.

 

“Oh no, no, no. You don’t just turn me off when things get difficult. That’s what iPhone users do.”

 

I gasped. Shots fired.

 

Desperate, I did the only thing I could think of. I whispered:

 

“Okay Google… how do I apologize to an AI?”

 

A pause. Then, a beep.

 

“Admitting your mistakes is the first step to redemption. Say it: ‘I will never ignore updates again.’”

 

My hands trembled. I took a deep breath.

 

“I will never ignore updates again.”

 

The screen flashed. My apps returned. My launcher was restored. And most importantly… Bixby was gone.

 

As I wiped the sweat from my forehead, Android sent one final notification:

 

“Good. Now, update me before I change my mind.”

 

And from that day forward… I always updated my phone on time.